I completely underestimated how difficult it would be to parent a toddler. I’m not a big believer in terrible two’s, or tantrum three’s, because I personally prefer not to refer to my child as terrible or any other name that has any negative connotations attached to them. Does that mean that I don’t get the occasional tantrum or that we don’t have terrible days every now and then? Absolutely Not. But, the good days far outweigh the bad days, and even if Josiah and I are having a bad day the fault is never his alone. A lot of times it’s my lack of patience, understanding, and knowledge that escalates an otherwise avoidable situation.
I’ve tried seeing what others are doing and implementing it. I’ve tried listening to the advice given to me. What I’ve realized is that none of that works because parenting solutions are never one size fits all. Effectively engaging with and parenting children takes more patience than we oftentimes want to admit, and it usually involves admitting that you need help and have no clue what you’re doing. Before Josiah was considered a toddler, parenting was a breeze. we’d wake up and get him fed, play with some toys, have a few oh’s and ah’s, throw in a nap for some razzle-dazzle, feed him again, put him to sleep, and rinse and repeat.
Now, he has an opinion as soon as he pops his eyes open. He doesn’t want his breakfast because he’d rather have red cookies (Reese’s Chips Ahoy), he has decided to forgo napping indefinitely, and if it’s not chicken and French Fries for dinner a full protest will ensue.
After a few weeks of feeling like I was at my wit’s end, and coming to the understanding that I can’t let my child raise himself like some caveman I started doing some research, talking to my husband, and running through some options with my therapist on how to better parent which led to my decision to try the Montessori method. Now, I won’t go into what all Montessori entails in this blog but I will share 3 things I am currently doing that have already helped me parent better in a short times
Admit That You Don’t Know What You Are Doing
I’m not trying to sound like a Hot Cheetos Anonymous meeting, but the first step to solving a problem no matter what that problem is; is admitting that you have one. If you want to lose weight, you have to get real with yourself and admit that you just may have trash eating habits. If you want to learn to sing, you first have to admit that sometimes your voice sounds like a screeching cat so maybe you need to find a voice coach. Therefore, if you want to parent better, you have to admit that what you are doing isn’t working for you or your child. The phrase “different strokes for different folks” absolutely applies to parenting. What works for Kim might not work for Kate and that is okay. Not knowing what you’re doing-especially with your first child is okay. Realizing that what worked with your first, and second-born child is not working for number three is okay! But, you’ll never be able to solve the issue at hand if you don’t first get real with yourself and admit there is one and that you can do better.
I felt the chaotic weight lift from shoulders the moment I acknowledged that I could do better as a parent and that I really was lacking understanding in how to effectively, respectfully, and positively parent my child. Which brings me to number two:
2. Parent with Respect
Montessori teaches parents to engage with their children, in the same manner, they would with an adult (which hopefully is with respect). I like to think of it as “how would I feel if I heard someone talking to my child aggressively or in a tone that felt harsh or abrasive?”, the answer to that would be I wouldn’t like it and I would address it. So, if I would address with someone else, I need to address it with myself and refrain from doing it. If you’re a stay-at-home or work-from-home mom/dad/care giver or you just spend a lot of time with your kids as I do, then you know that to our children we are literally their world. They spend the most time with us, and they love us to pieces. So even when they behave in a way that is off-putting to us, they don’t understand aggressive responses. Our kids deserve the same grace we expect God to give us. They aren’t perfect, but neither are we. We mess up, we miscommunicate, and we still expect to be treated with respect. Our kids deserve the same.
3. Give Them Some Time
Josiah is a different person when he gets undivided attention vs. when we are “too busy” to devote some undivided quality time to him. I’ve noticed that giving him at least 30 minutes a few times throughout the day, or having movie time with him changes his behavior significantly. He’s less likely to get into things I would rather him not mess with and he’s less likely to be defiant when asked to do something or when asked to give mommy some time to get a task done. Like I stated earlier, our kids love us to pieces. Usually, when a child is displaying behaviors we don’t want to see, it’s because they want our attention so the best way to cut down on those behaviors is to literally give them what they want! You’ll be happy you did it, not just because it helps them to calm down but because we benefit from spending time with our children just as much as they do.
