A lot of my childhood is a blur because well… life, but, I do always remember exuding confidence when I was little. Now, I could lie and tell you that I remember the steps my parents took to get me to that point but sadly I don’t. Now that I have my own child that I am responsible for nurturing, confidence and emotional intelligence are two things I’ve been big on establishing even at the age of two years old, I’ll discuss emotional intelligence at a later date.
I’ve been actively working on Josiah’s confidence since he started walking. The reason I say “actively” is because I understand that there are things we subconsciously do as parents during infancy that subsequently shape our children like; helping to teach them to walk, babble, hold their spoon to eat their favorite mash and to not fear the rubber duck in their bathwater. While all of those things are definitely confidence builders, today I want to focus more on the things we do when they are a bit more comprehensive to what’s happening around them.
1. Encourage
Toddlers need encouragement and a lot of it. Josiah is a few months out from being three years old, and he still needs a ton of encouragement as he learns about the world around him. I am big on using encouraging words, gestures, and facial expressions to convey that he can do a thing. I’ve learned that simply repeating “you got it” or “you can do it” gives him the boost he needs to get through a task that he’d initially deemed impossible. It’s my belief that most all humans thrive off of affirming words, so of course, children would want to hear them as well. Another way I encourage my toddler is by holding his hand when he is trying to do something that he is apprehensive of. Holding his hand lets him know that I am there for him and that I have confidence in him. I believe that this gesture in turn helps him to have confidence in himself.
2. Push for Independence
We all have different parenting styles. One of the ways I choose to parent and instill confidence in Josiah is to encourage him to do and try things alone. The tasks are never complicated because like I said he’s only two, but I do really push him to be independent. Simple tasks like cleaning his room or transferring his massive load of toys from the living room to his bedroom usually help get the job done. Now, does he always clean his entire room or transfer all of his toys himself? No. But, after protesting and telling me he needs help before actually trying… he does get a little done before I step in and help him out. The point I want him to understand is that he can do anything he puts his mind to and that even at two years old he is capable.
3. Speak the Word
My home is a Jesus loving, Christ-following, Bible reading, Christian household, and as such I am instilling those principles into my son. There are a lot of times when Josiah is going to bed or walking through the hallway in the dark, or when his shadow catches him off-guard that he does get startled. When that happens I remind him that he has nothing to fear and that God has not given him a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind according to 2 Timothy 1:7. When he expresses that he can’t do something, I remind him he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength according to Philippians 4:13. I also have him repeat those scriptures to the best of his ability after me. Building a toddler's spirit is extremely important for confidence to be established. I want Josiah to know without any doubt that his confidence and strength is found in Christ, and I want him to understand why.
4. Lend a Hand
No matter how confident your kid is, they will need help. I don’t neglect to give Josiah help when I know he needs it. As a mom who spends a lot of time with her little, I am pretty good at knowing what he can and can’t do without help. In order to help encourage him to try new things and build his confidence, I generally try to have him try whatever is first, but if he asks for help I help. I feel like doing this not only builds confidence but it also teaches humility and to not be afraid to ask for help, or admit that he doesn’t understand.
5. Be There
I think the most important confidence builder (after speaking the Word) is building a relationship with your child where they trust you, know you’re there for them and aren’t afraid to come to you with their problems, questions, and mishaps. What I’ve quickly learned about my two-year-old is that the way I respond to a situation matters. Granted I don’t always get it right but I do admittedly work on my responses. I want Josiah to know undoubtedly that he can trust me and that I’ll always be there for him.
Kids need confidence in God, themselves, and the ones that are charged with nurturing, loving, and raising them. I’m determined to raise a well rounded child and try my hardest to prevent Josiah from experiencing the emotional trauma that I’ve experienced in the past. What I love about being a millennial is that my generation is really vocal and focused on stopping the cycle of trauma (whether intentional or not) that a lot of us experienced growing up. Breaking those cycles start young, you don’t have to wait. I hope these tips helped you and would love to know what tips you have for building confidence in toddlers/children?
As always thank you for reading!
