I’ve been an adult for roughly six years now, and it’s taken me exactly six years to realize that I haven’t really been an adult at all. In short, I thought I was grown because I paid mostly all of my own bills and had a job, my own car, and my own place. It wasn’t until recently that I realized none of that made me grown. It made me self sufficient for a while at least but not grown in the least bit.
You see the only reason I did any of those things was out of pure rebellion. My parents were not at all in agreement with who I was dating at the time and instead of heeding their warning and saving myself heartbreak, I chose to “show them” by being cut off and having to take on the responsibility of taking care of myself while also attending school full time. It’s funny, because as I write this I’m starting to realize even more that I slaved away at a supported living center wiping butts and feeding people 40+ hours a week and doing the bare minimum at school when I didn’t have to. All I had to do was be obedient. But, each lesson in life teaches us something so I won’t dwell on trying to undo the past. I also thought I was grown when I got married and had Josiah, because those acts seemed pretty “grown” to me, but they weren’t. My parents have been selflessly helping me financially, emotionally, and spiritually since I did both of those things.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting over the last week since I’ve been in emotional turmoil for reasons I won’t speak on at this moment… and I’m starting to understand that adulting is the result of balancing a very full plate and not letting the heaviness of that plate detour you from piling on more and working through each day. I thought I was adulting but honestly I haven’t been, because anytime something happens that is remotely uncomfortable I freeze up, for days and even weeks at a time. My productivity is halted until I am emotionally ready to carry on. But, that is not how life works. Life doesn’t just stop happening because the unimaginable happens to us. Life keeps going, bills keep coming, and babies keep crying.
Adulting is pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and pushing forward.
Going forward I am going to allow myself a short period of time to feel what it is I am going through instead of letting my emotions halt my progress.
My process will look something like this:
Adulting is no doubt one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength so I’m sure I’ll be okay in the end.
How are you dealing with life?
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